“Not Easy” by the X ambassadors, Elle King and Wiz Khalifa has been streaming over and over as the lyrics “It’s Not Easy Breaking Your Heart” beat into my headphones.
My biggest struggle in life has been having the courage to graciously, yet firmly, say No. No...No I am not interested in participating. No, I cannot be a part of this event. No, I cannot give you a free bag for your charity event. I am afraid of saying "No" equals breaking another person's heart.
I cringe when I have to tell someone their services are no longer needed. I get anxious when people request something I am not able or willing to give. I hate letting people down because ultimately I fear their disapproval means I am eroding my own value and worth. For far too long, I have pinned my value on whether people approved of me or not. I would say “yes” in exchange for a hit of approval and a dose of worthiness.
And yet, every time I say "Yes”, when I actually mean “No”, I dilute my own soul and a bit of my authenticity is compromised. Behaviors motivated out of guilt are never sustainable. And saying “yes” out of guilt is one million percent disingenuous.
I want to practice courage and alignment in every action I take. Every situation, request, and opportunity must line up with my true north and the alignment of my soul, otherwise the answer must graciously, YET BODLY, be no. I must have the courage to put my soul first, over being liked, approved of, or popular.
Putting your soul's alignment FIRST
It’s Not Easy Breaking Your Heart...and it’s really awful going against my own soul. Human kindness is crucial to how I show up in the world. And when I come from and stand in love, I realize that means I am also kind to myself, and I will commit to no longer breaking my own heart in order to please, perform, or say a disingenuous yes. When we have the courage to let our inner spirit shine over conforming to wants of the world, we actually allow for more love, more light and more aligned situations that produce more synergistic results.
My friend Cameron, used to ask me “Jenn, can you just BE with their disappointment? Can you be okay that they are angry, and not twist yourself inside out to make them happy?"
I am 100% for cleaning up messes I have created, as well as taking responsibility for when I have made a mistake. However, if someone is simply upset because I have denied them a request, or told them no, I no longer want to trade my authenticity for their approval.
Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.
Soulful questions to ask yourself
So often humans change who they are at their core, simply to keep someone else happy. However, what if instead of changing to keep someone else happy, we chose to graciously allow others to be disappointed, or upset, while we compassionately and KINDLY grounded down in what is our own authentic truth?
As we wade through one of the busiest times of the year, can you say yes to your soul over catering to what the world wants? Can you allow total alignment to precede a disingenuous yes? Will you have the courage to place a bigger priority on letting your inner spirit shine versus conforming so that people approve!?
It's not easy being anything less than your incredible-soulful-self.
Align with your soul and learn to be at peace even if you do break a few hearts a long the way.
With all my soul,