Posted on June 05 2016
Photo Credit : Kate Nelson @runningonhappiness
People, events or situations, which have stormed into my life, leaving a messy trail of heartache and headaches, used to make my head spin in agony.
The disappointment would eat at my soul, and make me think that I was not enough. And if only I were more “______ X” then this disappointing situation would not have happened to me.
So much of my soul’s growth has been to learn the lessons of value and worth. I have had to master the concept that nothing I do, or abstain from doing, can add one ounce of value to my worth. The fact that I exist, because something far greater than me, wanted me on this planet is where my values begins and ends, PERIOD!
This has been incredibly hard to master, especially coming from a setting where I felt like I could earn extra love, and approval, if only I did the “right” thing, or abstained from doing the “wrong” thing.
However, I have now come to realize, that it is exactly because of my ENOUGH-NESS that certain situations, relationships, or friendships do not work out.
In the past, I have tried way too hard to find my value and worth outside of my myself, outside of my soul. I was trying to make it about gaining people’s love and approval — all because, underneath all the mental gunk, and layers of fear, I was simply not feeling ENOUGH.
When I finally cemented the concept of being ENOUGH into my soul, I stopped, as Brene Brown puts it, hustling for my value and worth. And I started to view all heartbreak, and disappointing situations, as merely being out of alignment with my soul’s greater destiny.
Whereas before this revelation, I would think if only I was a Scottsdale Barbie Doll, if only I had texted less, or didn't insert so many emojis, if only I was a size zero, if only my bags were worn by a famous celebrity or designed differently…then, then the guy would have liked me back, the buyer would have bought my entire collection, then, the fairy tale ending would have happened!
Such ridiculous thinking! But those thoughts would stream through my mind and make me think I needed to be MORE OF something I was NOT, or less of something I genuinely was!
When things don’t work out, it is because they never were meant to! It has nothing to do with not being enough. Our souls will always lead us away from what is no longer serving our greatest potential. Our souls will always take us away from what we are no longer meant to experience! And of course, when that happens, because we are out of alignment, there will BE heartache and headaches.
Ironically, some of my MOST cherished friendships have come out of having to go through the fire, and torture, of heartache.
Guys that have absolutely rocked my world, and then left me in the whirlwind of “WTF just happened!?” have led to some of my best female relationships, and opportunities for Soul Carrier. In the debris and chaos of the heartache, I could NEVER have dreamt up the beauty that would ensue years later.
The guys that broke my heart were true soul mates. NOT soul mates in the sugar-coated-Disney-Hollywood-romantic-way, but in the sense that they led to my greatest growth, and opened up insane opportunities for guiding me to my most authentic-in-alignment-SOUL friendships.
I recently opened to up to a very dear friend, that the reason I started frequenting her business, was because I wanted to spy on her! I had learned that the guy who had broke my heart was now seeing her. He is SO LONG gone from both of our lives, but the ripple effect of scoping her out has led to my soul tribe and my favorite people to spend time around and collaborate with. And it is all because of that ridiculous heartache!!!!! We laughed so hard over this guy and said we should send him a thank you note, because she, too, felt our friendship has brought a ton of incredible things to her life.
It really was serendipitous and beautiful! Life is messy, and twisted, and at times it is HARD having the human experience! REALLY HARD, AND it is absolutely perfect and dynamic. Moreover, it is super rewarding when you can look back and connect the dots between the heartache and all the SPLENDOR.
So today I embrace the courage to view all heartache, headaches and disappointments as leading me to something far greater than I could ever imagine. I am ENOUGH, and when things fall apart it is so my soul can get to what is actually in alignment with its greater purpose!
Can you let go of feeling NOT ENOUGH? Can you celebrate the moments it appeared you were veering off course, only to see it was because your soul was leading you to something far greater? Can you stop hustling for your worthiness and value? Can you embrace the concept that you are VALUABLE and WORTHY - no matter how hard you get knocked down, or how badly your heart gets screwed over!?
To having the human experience. To being here to experience our soul’s greatest potential!